Benny Jay: Juke Box Battle

It's Monday night bowling, and we're on lanes one and two, the closest lanes to the jukebox. That's good, cause the closer you get to the jukebox, the more likely you're gonna play it. And, let me tell you, the music's been bad in recent weeks. All those thirty-something-year-old chuckleheads reliving their glory days, playing crummy 1980s rock. Good God, if I hear Axl Rose singing Paradise City one more time....

Cap starts us off with Tower of Power -- What Is Hip? I take it as a tribute cause Cap knows I love that song. And Cap and I -- we start jamming with the drums in the closing riff, going at it beat for beat with Tower's rhythm section, never missing a beat, cause we've heard the song one zillion times before and we'll probably hear it another zillion times again cause some songs never get old....

When it's over, we jump back, high fiving and walking with a little strut, like we're sending a big-time message to the young bucks in the bowling alley. We're a couple of old dogs -- born in the `50s, raised in the `60s, come of age in the `70s -- and we know what's good.

Watching it all is Young Ralph, one of our teammates, who's got to be, I don't know, 25, maybe 26. And he heads over to the jukebox and he puts on Snoop Dogg, `circa 1996 -- Gin And Juice. And he and J-Dub, who's maybe 31, sing along from memory, like the words are etched in their brains. Let me tell you -- it's not easy. Snoop raps fast. But, I swear, they don't miss a word -- something about "mama ain't home" and "bitches in the living room" and "pocket full of rubbers." I don't know -- I can't be sure cause I can't really follow them. When they get to the chorus, they come up close, waving their fingers in my face and going: "Rollin' down the street, smokin' indo, sippin' on gin and juice, laid back with my mind on my money and my money on my mind...."

And when the song's over, they start high fiving like they da shit. And so it's on. A generational showdown. Battle of the ages: `60s and `70s versus `90s and the `00s.

So we come at `em with Stevie Wonder and they come back with Ice Cube; and we do Johnny Taylor, and they came at us with Lil' Wayne, and we trump their ace with Al Green. And not just any Al Green. But "Love and Happiness."And that shuts them up cause you can't top "Love and Happiness" and everybody knows it. Especially the part at the beginning where the guitar does a little riff and Al Green cries: "Someone on the phone/Three o'clock in the morning -- yeah/Talkin' about how she can make it right." Only he doesn't say right -- he says ri-hight. And Cap and I press our right hands -- like they're microphones -- against our mouths, like their microphones, pretending we're Al Green up on stage.

They try to recoup with Outkast -- Elevators (Me and You): "Me `n yo' mama `n yo' cousin too rollin' down the strip...."

J-Dub's doing this gentle bump with Erica, Young Ralph's girl. I wave my hand in disgust, like that's nothing. But inside I'm thinking: Damn, I didn't know J-Dub was such a good dancer, and, damn, I kinda like that me-and-yo-mama-and-yo-cousin-too-bit. Though I'll never -- never, ever, never -- admit it....

Cap puts on The Marvelettes. Only instead of singing "Don't Mess with Bill," I'm singing: "Don't Mess With Benny -- leave my Benny alone."

Norm thinks that's funny. Cause I can't sing. I just bellow, more like a screech. But it's so noisy in the bowling -- what with balls crashing into the pins -- no one can hear so no one cares.

Cap puts on Darling Nikki, which is a compromise, cause everybody -- old and new -- loves Prince. Young Ralph, Norm, J-Dub, Cap and I are bellowing together: "I met a girl named darling Nikki -- I guess you could say she was a sex friend...."

Then Erica -- who's as young as Young Ralph -- shocks us all by playing "All I Do" by Stevie Wonder -- I mean, that songs got to be older than she is. And, well, that just brings down the house. Cap's Steppin' with Erica, who's getting quite a work out with all the attention. And we're all singing: "All I do -- is think about you...."

When the night ends we hug and high five. I guess you can say the great generational showdown ends in a tie.

I walk home in the freezing cold -- I mean, out of nowhere this goofy weather dropped at least 20 degrees -- but it's really not so bad. I'm singing "All I Do." In my mind I sound as good as Stevie Wonder. I'm still singing it when I walk through my front door.