Benny Jay: Walking And Talking To The Black Forest Gump

It's close to midnight and I'm walking the dog on a cold, cloud-free night. The moon's shining bright and there's no one around.

I take out my cell phone and call my buddy Johnny. He works the midnight shift as a security guard out by O'Hare. He's got plenty of time to talk, and no one can talk like Johnny. He calls himself the Black Forest Gump, on account of the fact that he's always manages to wind up in the right place when something big is gonna pop.

"My man, Benny," he says. "You see President Obama's speech to congress? Man, those congressmen were goin' crazy. White people too. I ain't seen so many white folks skinnin' and grinnin' since Lincoln was shot. They gave him 52 standing ovations. When Obama walked down the aisle everybody wanted to touch the hem of his cloth. Took him a half an hour just to get out of Congress cause everybody wanted to shake his hand. The man is Jesus. I say, let's vote him king. Forget president. King Barack."

I ask him if he saw the Republican response by Bobby Jindal, governor of Louisiana. "I saw it. That fool didn't say nothin'. The man's governor of one of the poorest states in the union and he talkin' about he don't want to take any of the stimulus money for Louisiana. That's easy for him to say -- he got a job. Man, I don't know what folks in Louisiana were thinkin' when they elected him governor. They should vote the man out. But you know how it is -- everybody say they want change, but really they lookin' to make some change. Everybody want to go to heaven, but don't no one want to die. We live in a ten-day democracy -- after ten days we forget all about it...."

I walk by the el track as a train roars by. By the time it's passed, somehow or other Johnny's made the transition to talking about a lady he knew a long time ago on the West Side. "We had a sister -- called herself Sister Udahwe. That's ooh-dah-we. She was so pretty we used to call her Sister Ooh-wee. Man, that woman was fine...."

I cut him off to ask about the passing of Norm Van Lier and he starts telling me about the time in "nineteen-seventy-somethin" when Billy "the Kid" Harris, the legendary South Side playground star, tried out for the Bulls. "Man, Billy the Kid lit them up in practice, but he was talkin' so much trash ol' Coach Dick Motta didn't like it. Norm took Billy aside and told him -- `Billy, all you gotta do is keep your mouth shut and you'll make the team.' But Billy wasn't about to close his mouth. I always liked Norm for that. Tried to help Billy the Kid. But the man wouldn't help himself...."

By now, I'm home. I open the door, and take the leash off the dog. Johnny's about to go on for another hour -- what the hell, he has all night. But I need sleep. I tell him I'll talk to him soon. Probably the next time I'm walking the dog at midnight....