Benny Jay: Who Raises Gorillas?

I'm sitting at a table on the corner outside Starbuck's -- my dog at my feet -- drinking my coffee and reading my book, a Graham Greene novel about an English double-agent.

I'm enjoying the moment. The sky's blue -- the day warm, but not hot. The plots got me hooked. I'm eagerly turning the pages -- something big and bad's about to pop.

My cell phone rings. It's my mother.

"Did you see the story about the lady who raises gorillas?" she asks.

"No...."

"She raises gorillas in her front yard. Who raises gorillas?"

"I didn't see it...."

"It's in the paper...."

"I haven't seen the paper yet?"

"You haven't read the paper? It's almost noon and you haven't read the paper -- did you just get up?"

"I've been reading a book...."

"I'm about to eat lunch and you haven't read the paper...."

I sip my coffee. This could be awhile.

"She went to your college...."

"Who?"

"The lady who raises the gorillas...."

"Oh...."

"It says she's two years older than you, so you would have been there where she was there. Did you know her?"

"What's her name?"

"I can't remember...."

"How do I know if I know her if I don't know her name?"

"Well, she went to your college...."

Pause. I'm not sure what I can say.

The phone beeps. "I got another call coming in -- hold on." I put her on hold to take a call from Merlin, the computer wizard, who tells me he's coming by to fix my computer. I come back to my mother and I catch her mid-sentence. I don't think she realizes I put her on hold.

"She keeps the gorillas in her front yard. Can you imagine liking gorillas so much you raise them?"

"No...."

"She said she used to go to Milwaukee and visit the zoo. Ever go to Milwaukee?"

"Yes...."

"I can't imagine anything worth seeing in Milwaukee...."

I fight off the urge to defend Milwaukee. My phone beeps. "Hold on." I put her on hold to take a call from my oldest daughter who tells me she and my wife will be home soon.

I come back to my mother who, again, not aware that she was on hold, has moved on to another subject -- the Preakness horse race.

"The filly won...."

"Yes, Rachel Alexandra...."

"A filly is a girl horse...."

"I know...."

"A gelding is a horse that's fixed...."

"Right...."

"A colt is a male horse -- did you know that?"

"Yes...."

"You didn't know that...."

"I did know that...."

"I'm just tweaking you...."

A lady walks by with a dachshund. My dog, who had been resting, rushes out from under the table. My coffee spills. No more left. I think about buying a new one. But, nah, Merlin's on his way. Time to get home.

I gather my stuff and cross the street. Got the book and the leash in one hand and the cell phone in the other. My mother's telling me about her friend's illness. Guess I'll read my book later....