Benny Jay: Inauguration TV

I'm watching the inauguration with my wife.

The TV's on NBC. Brian Williams is talking to Tom Brokaw. The camera shows Craig Robinson, Michelle Obama's brother in law. Williams says: "There's Reggie Love...."

"It's not Reggie Love," I say.

"One of President Obama's top aides...."

"Stop calling him Reggie Love -- it's Craig Robinson, not Reggie Love...."

"Shh," says my wife, "I can't hear...."

Williams is going on and on about how Reggie Love is always by President Obama's side....

"He's not Reggie Love! He doesn't even look like Reggie Love...."

"Don't be negative," says my wife. "I won't watch the inauguration with you, if you're negative...."

I'm momentarily confused: "Where else are you gonna watch it -- we only have one TV...."

"Shh...."

They show former vice president Dan Quayle entering the capitol. "God, I can't stand that guy," I say. "Let me at least be negative about him. Even you can't say anything positive about him...."

My wife mixes her oatmeal.

They show Walter Mondale. "God, I love Mondale," I say. "Fritz Mondale. He should have beat Reagan. This country's full of idiots...."

My wife looks up at the screen and says: "Mondale's wife looks like an older version of Sharon...."

"My, god, you're right...."

The former presidents come in. "Look, there's Jimmy Carter," I say. "I love Jimmy Carter. Don't say nothing bad about Jimmy Carter. This is Carter country!"

My wife eats her oatmeal.

"And there's Bill Clinton -- the pig. I never went for Clinton...."

"You voted for him," says my wife.

"Yeah, but I never went for him -- there's a difference. Look, he's hugging old man Bush. He's always hugging Bush -- like he really loves him. Classic Clinton, sucking up to Republicans. Look, Hillary's hugging Barbara. Like they like each other. Phonies. You know they can't stand each other...."

Old man Bush, leaning on a cane, limps his way to the podium. From the aisle, Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. leans forward to shake Bush's hand.

"How the hell did he get there?" I say.

"Who?" says my wife.

"Junior. He's on the aisle. He's got the best seat in the house for the cameras. Every time someone famous walks down the aisle the whole world sees Jackson. How did he pull that off?"

The announcer announces William Jefferson Clinton. "Oh, now he's William Jefferson Clinton," I say. "He'll always be Slick Willie to me...."

"Shh...."

"Look, Clinton won't hug Gore. He hugs Bush, but only a handshake for Gore...."

"Be positive...."

The TV shows Obama's kids and their grandmother. Brian Williams is saying the kids will still be making their beds, even with all the servants in the White House.

My wife and I immediately look at each other and say in unison: "Make their beds!"

Our kids are pushing twenty and they still don't make their beds.

"I don't believe those kids make their beds," I say.

"Some parents are really good about that," says my wife.

"Who -- name one...."

The camera shows Baby Bush. And Brian Williams -- or maybe it's Tom Brokaw -- says "the outgoing president very fervently believes history will redeem him...."

"Yeah, right," I say. "If they burn all the records...."

"What a difference eight years makes," Brokaw or Williams goes on. "Of course, we could not see tragedy coming -- 9/11."

"No one could see it!" I bellow. "They only had a report that said Bin Laden's gonna attack us! Gimme a break. They couldn't see it cause they were sleeping. Don't coddle us! Don't shield us from the truth...."

"Shhh," says my wife.

"Show Obama," I say. "Look, there he is." I stand up and start clapping. "Yeah, that's my president -- him and Carter. All the rest of them suck...."

We watch Chief Justice Roberts swear in Obama. Roberts screws it up and mixes up the order of the oath.

"Probably did it on purpose," I say. "Typical Republican. You watch, Clinton's probably gonna French kiss him...."

We watch Obama's speech. I'm not sure what to think. I barely hear the words. I still can't believe this country elected a black guy president. It's like a dream.

Aretha sings My Country Tis of Thee.

"I like her hat," says my wife.

"It's got, what, a bow in it or something," I say.

Obama leaves the stage. The crowd disperses. The Bushes head for a helicopter that will take them to the airport where they'll catch a plane for Texas.

The Bidens and the Obamas stand on the capitol steps and wave as the helicopter takes off.

"Go, good bye -- good riddance," says my wife. "Don't come back...."

I look at her, smile and say: "Be positive....."